Introversion… it’s not an affliction.
There’s a lot of misconception regarding introverts and extroverts. When the word introvert comes to mind, a description of shy or socially awkward usually accompanies it. I guess this is because shyness is more common in introverts which doesn’t surprise me…lack or fear of social experience creates numerous problems if it gets out of hand.
Here’s a loose, basic definition of both:
Extroverts: gain energy from being around people, socializing, and seem to lose energy and feel more down when alone.
Introverts: lose energy from prolonged social events and need time alone to recharge.
Now there’s a scientific explanation for why extroverts and introverts think, and feel the way that they do…but I won’t get into that since I’m no expert. Read the definitions one more time…anyone can plainly see, that introvert in the above definition does not translate into “awkward guy who hides behind plant at party.”
The basic difference is that extroverts need to be around people to feel their best and only become more…”extroverty”, the longer they are around people, while Introverts tend to stop feeling top notch after prolonged social occasions and need time alone to recuperate and reflect…and that’s it. Shyness and anxiety are byproducts of other factors, not because you’re wired as introverted.
I’m an introvert myself, so I’ll be drawing from personal experience.
I used to be a very withdrawn. Around my friends whom I’ve known for a long time, I was fine, but something about meeting new people, especially cute girls, made me anxious out the ass. Looking back at myself a little over a year ago, I can hardly believe the change. So now I’m backtracking, so as to throw lost introverts out there who falsely believe that becoming an extrovert (a most likely fruitless endeavor….yes I’ve tried and it did not work out) is the solution to their anxiety and shyness.
Here’s my two cents:
I realized that my anxiety all boiled down to myself and my thoughts.
Introverts are naturally more inside their head than extroverts. They can, and often do, think deeply, and that was my problem…not the introversion, but the compulsive thinking.
When I was out with a bunch of people, I’d think too much, not just about the immediate environment, but about anything and everything, relevant or not. While I’m off in LaLa Land, and someone intruded on my thoughts, I’d be pretty much startled, wrenched out of my train of thinking. So while the person talking to me gazes at me, eagerly awaiting a response, I’d either half-ass a remark, or ask them to repeat themselves…
Now put yourself in the shoes of someone who’s putting themselves out there, trying to make a connection with somebody and they give you a reply, but you can tell they are not engaged in the interaction. Makes you assume that this person probably either isn’t social, or doesn’t like you, and hence, doesn’t give a damn what you’re saying.
No wonder so many introverts have a bad rap.
Obviously the person isn’t gonna feel good if they think you’re not paying attention to them. So when they decide to give up on making conversation with you since you’re not engaged in the moment. What do compulsive thinkers do at this point? More thinking, more analyzing, more worrying. It’s all downhill from there. It’s vicious cycle, and you’re left to suffer in silence, your mind is the tormentor and the prison.
It’s ironic that many introverts are considered bad conversationalists since in order to think deeply, we have to be good at absorbing everything…by being good observers and listeners.
The key to a having a flowing, natural conversation and vibe is to LISTEN. In order to do so, you can’t be trapped in your thoughts, you must be FULLY PRESENT.
The answer is this you must free your mind of thinking. Focus on NOW without the background noise of thought buzzing inside your cranium.
It sounds paradoxical, and it is, but it’s the solution to anxiety and shyness.
Without the internal dialogue, there can be no anxiety or shyness because in order to worry, you have to be talking inside your head about all the worst case scenarios.
But how do you interact with people if you’re not even thinking?
Assuming you have a basic understanding of the Do’s, Do Not’s, and concepts of seduction, read on or read the crash course.
Well that’s a bit tougher. So instead of giving fool proof advice…which I do not have, I’ll go by my own experience again.
When I’m out at a party, I make it my first, main priority to get out of my shell, stop the internal conversation with myself.
When I’m talking to people, I pretty much just say the first thing that comes to mind, I react to people verbally; so basically whatever I’d normally be thinking internally, I simply say it out loud. Doesn’t matter if in retrospect it’s kinda weird, nobody is taking notes. People don’t usually keep track of every word you’re saying…but they DO get an overall feel for the kind of vibe you’re giving off, and your overall demeanor.
Keep talking, parts of your true personality will shine through, AS LONG AS YOU’RE NOT OVER THINKING. Stop trying to pick and say the perfect words.
Now that you’re in a social mood, you can work on gaming that hottie. The same concept of no thinking applies here as well. You will have fleeting thoughts from time to time, and that’s okay, and a good thing, being completely brainless and saying something truly retarded is counterproductive. Clear your head of unnecessary thoughts and do what feels right. Trust your instincts.
Some people may read this and think, that I’m telling introverts to go and be a loud mouth on adultfrienedfinder blurting whatever comes to mind forcing themselves to talk nonstop. Not exactly…you’ve got to calibrate yourself accordingly to the present. Silence from time to time is not horrible…the whole point is just not to go overboard and get trapped in a cycle of internal dialogue where you’re rendered immobile, struggling to find the right words. Don’t be an obnoxious buffoon and don’t be a quiet hovering wall flower, find your Zen so to speak…just be real, don’t hold back, and be in the moment. Go out making the world your personal playground because that’s exactly what it is.