Internet Dating: How To Know If Someone Online Is Right For You
When it comes to dating, most of us instantly know which singles don’t interest us, but trying to decide who might be a good match can be tough at first glance.
Internet Dating: How To Know If Someone Online Is Right For You
When it comes to dating, most of us instantly know which singles don’t interest us, but trying to decide who might be a good match can be tough at first glance. You see attractive single guys or single girls walking down the street but wonder if these are singles you’d like to spend time with. Or you strike up a casual conversation at a party with good looking single men or single women but wonder how to know if these are singles you would bring into your life, introduce to your family and friends and have a serious relationships with. And if you take dating online on adutlfrinendfinder, it can seem even more difficult to peg the right single men or single women for you at your favorite internet dating sites. With online personals, you don’t have that initial chemistry buzz. Instead, you see free personal ads with local singles, attractive photos, nice smiles and a lot of possibility. But then what?
Well, that initial “wow” factor is important for finding online love and your ideal match; so the fact that you even noticed someone among all those happy, free personal ads at your online dating site is a great sign. Trust your instinct there. (That said, if you only go “wow” to the supermodel types then you might want to try some of the singles that get a “hmmm” too.) But after you find singles that you are initially attracted to at your web dating site, then what?
Then it’s time to look at the person’s online personal ad. This step is important because it’s very difficult to get more than an inkling about personality from the photos of singles online. You can probably tell something about someone’s style, ethnicity, age and sometimes a bit about humor or some kind of activity they engage in, but it’s tougher to pick up clues about likes, dislikes, ambitions and interests. The good news is that online dating site essays allow you to easily get to know some important details about the men and women that have attracted you. These relationship site essays give you a chance to see if there’s a “wow” or “hmmm” factor with the person’s personality and lifestyle. And if so, the matchmaking success odds go up another notch. Internet personals dating essays can also help you weed out singles who don’t meet your “must-haves.” This can be a great time saver. In the “offline” dating world, it may take weeks or even months before you find out the inside scoop and deal breakers on someone you’re dating. It may be a good idea to make a list of deal breakers — “must-haves” and “must-not-haves” — as you embark or re-embark on your online dating adventure and start to meet girls and meet guys for you.
Now, if you like what you see and what you read about when you find single guys or find single girls at an online dating service, it’s time to strike up a conversation, which in internet personals speak translates to emailing, instant messaging or chatting in the chat rooms. Emailing is probably the most important tool for singles on dating personals for determining which single men or single women online would be ideal to meet in person, date and hopefully have a relationship with.
When you find women or find men that catch your eye at a dating site, emailing can help you narrow down which singles are right for you by letting you ask questions about the things that are important to you in a safe, comfortable environment. A dating service not the place to ask questions that are too personal or to ask too many questions ( you do want to leave a few things to discover on your first few dates), but ask enough to let the man or woman reveal a bit about themselves. If education is important to you, ask about area of study or expertise or interest. If religion or spirituality or tradition are important to you, ask about how those things affect the person’s life. If sports or activity levels are important, ask how they spend their leisure time. If humor is important, make a joke and see if the person gets you. You can make a list of the items that are important to you ahead of time, if that helps. If the man or woman still interests you after you correspond about these subjects, then he or she is probably worth meeting in person. That said, if you feel some kind of chemistry or excitement or love but the person doesn’t have the same interests, beliefs or affiliations, it may be a good idea to still meet in person because sometimes opposites do attract and make good partners.
Another helpful bit of internet dating advice as you set out to find a date is to remember that emailing, like conversation, is about more than just words and content, it’s about rhythm and timing too — things that are important to relationships and make up part of that “chemistry.” Rhythm and timing, however, are not so easy to put a finger on. So how do you know if you’re emailing to the beat of he same drum? If you don’t have the same rhythm or timing, emailing may feel frustrating. It may seem as if the other person is writing too much or too little or too often or not enough, and you may find yourself trying to analyze the situation or wanting to play email games. When emailing flows and your rhythm is a match, you probably will just find yourself emailing without effort or much thought, and you’ll probably get another “wow” or “hmm, this is fun” or “this feels right.”
Another bit of online relationship advice to remember as you set out to find people is that you’re looking for a best friend that you’re attracted to. This is key! Successful, happy, long-term romantic relationships are based on BOTH friendship and sexual chemistry. And since sexual tension isn’t something you can always feel online, it may be a good idea to focus on the friendship factor to help you determine if someone you meet online is right for you. Simple rule of thumb: If you think you could be great friends, the person is probably relationship material and definitely dating material. If you feel like you’ve met your “best friend,” then the odds of a perfect match are higher. And the good news is that if you meet in person and the chemistry isn’t there, you still may have a new best friend — who may just happen to introduce you to your soul mate!
After you’ve been emailing for a while (and that “while” depends on your rhythm and logistics), it’s time to meet singles in person. And meeting in person is key to determining if there’s chemistry and if the online rhythm translates to offline conversation. It’s a good idea to meet friends and online dates sooner than later because an offline romance is the ultimate goal. But what’s great is that at this point, you at least know you’ll get along on some level. And once you meet in person, you’ll know if this special someone is right for you. Or at least has some good match potential. And then you can start dating to find out!
The most important thing you can measure in determining who’s right for you when dating online AND off is the degree of “effortlessness” you feel when it comes to dating and relating with a potential romantic interest, The ideal scenario would be: “Hi, I like you. You like me, let’s go.” When that happens, you’re usually off to a good start. And something close is good too! Effortlessness doesn’t mean instant or immediate gratification, but it does mean that with each email, online chat conversation, phone conversation or date, you feel like you want to interact with that person more. Your interest is piqued. You had a nice time. You feel respected and respectful. The person made you feel good about yourself. The person brought out the qualities in you that you like about yourself. The person brought out confidence and hope in you. The person made you laugh. The person listened well and you were interested in listening to what he or she had to say. These are all qualities that you normally expect from a friend except when it comes to romance, there should be chemistry too! But the chemistry should feel initially “effortless” as well. And that comes in the sparkle of the eyes, the body language, the rhythm in conversation — all things you’ll find out when you meet men or meet women offline. But if you pay attention to the degree of effortlessness while you’re meeting singles through online dating, then when it comes time to meet singles in person, you’ll have found the best guys and girls for you and will usually have great dates if not more!
A last internet dating tip to remember for finding people that are right for you online is that there are many, many internet dating sites out there, including ones that cater more to your individual needs. So if you’re not meeting people effortlessly at the dating sites you’re currently using, try out some other dating sites. Most dating sites offer free online dating to start so you can sample the singles! Free dating usually means that you can post free personal ads and view the singles on the site. Ask friends for recommendations or do a web search for the niche you’re looking for. Here are a few of the niches out there, just to give you an idea of what you can find: Jewish singles, Asian singles Hispanic singles, Christian singles, Black singles, bisexual dating, gay & lesbian singles, gay dating, hispanic singles, gay & lesbian singles, gay dating, lesbian dating, senior dating, single dads, single moms, single parents and singles over 30 and 40.